Sunday, June 14, 2009

bandaids and condoms

Yesterday was an interesting day. I had bought a new pair of shoes that were far more expensive than they should have been but they held the silent connotation that their price was reflective of their quality. I was wearing them for the first time; a little unsure whether others would be as appreciative of their style as I was.

I got into a lift with two strange old men who had made a comment about me being their ‘new lift guide’ or something to that effect. They seemed to find this joke amusing enough to pursue it the entire lift ride and amidst this painful attempt at humour I received my first shoe comment. It was ‘wow look at those; they look like galoshes’ and I was like thanks. To which his response was ‘they’re interesting at least!’ and I was like ‘it’s okay they’re comfortable’ and then thought thank god we’re finally on the ground floor. I reassured myself with the notion that old peoples’ opinions on any fashion related items are invalid.

My day continued and I was shocked and horrified to discover that the city centrelink had been removed. God knows what the motivation in giving every one $50 short of a grand for free but removing the single only central centrelink was. It certainly had nothing to do with not getting enough business because there was always a minimum half hour line and two perplexed centrelink staff trying to keep it moving. I guess centrelink is the only company in the world where more business means less money.

This unfortunate discovery meant that I was given the option of catching a bus to either Marion or Norwood to the ‘nearest’ centrelink. What a ridiculous concept! I have a mind to write a letter complaining about it even! So I chose Norwood and proceeded to wait in a worse line than the one had been in the city. What did they think was going to happen? All the people stinging off the government in the city suddenly wouldn’t need centrelink anymore if they took it away? Just take it away? That was their solution to there being too many people in the line and not enough staff? Get rid of the most important centrelink?? Genius, thankyou Kevin Rudd.

You may or may not be aware of this but it is actually quite an effort to stay on the dole. These people are quite determined to remain unemployed! It takes about as much time and effort as actually having a job but gives you the false satisfaction of getting money for free. (obviously not every single person on the dole, I’m sure some people are actually having job problems but you know the kinds of people I am referring to) I don’t think that moving the central centrelink (how can they even call themselves that anymore) is the answer to the problem! It is not going to stop these people!

So anyway I line up in this ridiculous building all the way out in Norwood for goodness knows how long and then when I get to the front of the line the woman tells me I have to CALL CENTRELINK! BUT I WAS IN THE BUILDING! How can I need to call them when I am there! all the way in Norwood! It doesn’t make any sense. Doing anything centrelink related on the internet is the most horrendous hassle as is the new thing on the phones where instead of getting to press buttons to choose an option you have to talk to a machine. And if you happen to get frustrated enough to utter something unsavoury it will be like ‘sorry I didn’t understand that’ and you’ll be back to square one in the whole process. It was an ordeal let me tell you that much.

During this time – hiking through Norwood and such talking to some dumb ass centrelink operator who pronounced ‘vale’ as ‘valley’ - my new ‘galoshes’ had mercilessly been wearing away the backs of my feet. It was at the point where when I walked I would make a face each time my foot moved. I wanted to go and buy bandaids but the idea of walking any further from the bus stop, to Woolworths and furthermore through Woolworths to the bandaid section and then to the counters seemed like the most painful and treacherous journey. The cons of not enduring such an effort outweighed the cons of actually doing it though.

So I hobbled into Woolworths and searched their oversized ‘health and beauty’ section, finding all number of hair dyes and face washes prior to my discovery of their array of bandaids. These were conveniently located next to the condoms. An amusing concept I thought. They’re both for covering up things, stopping ‘infections’, for protection.

Once I had purchased my friendly box of bandaids I stumbled over to the nearest park bench in the middle of the mall and took my shoes off and covered my heels with a minimum of three bandaids each. This more or less solved the worst of my problems in life at the time. A good day.

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